SHELTON: Hey Tessie, I’m not really sure what you mean by “sexual appeal.” I’m going to assume that you mean it’s to let him know that you’re a bad-mama-jama/dime-piece, or maybe it’s an “if you get married you’ll be good in bed” kinda thing. So to make a short story short, I have no clue what is meant by a woman showing sexual appeal to a man she’s not married to.I’m not able to respond to this question as you may have expected, but I can give you some godly wisdom on the matter. First, the holy women of the past never showed any sexual appeal to a man (only to her husband and what happened in the marriage stayed there). It was disgraceful for a woman to express sexuality to anyone other than her spouse. In our society, showing sexual appeal is the norm. However, even though we have lowered the bar, by no means are God’s standards decreased. The same God that clothed Adam and Eve of their nakedness—because it was shameful—is the same God who wants us to walk in an upright manner.That phrase sexual appeal is so strong for me, and I really can’t see it working out for the good. One problem with it is even though you may have good intentions, the man that your appealing to may be caught-up in sin because of what he experience from the sexual appeal. Things that cause people to sin will always be in the world, but we don’t want to be the source of that temptation (Luke 17:1). For a Christian, if there is the slightest possibility that what you do will cause someone to fall, our hearts should tell us not to do it (1Corinthians 8:13).You must be able to see the value and worth of a woman that God has given. There is really nothing more for a woman to do or add to herself, in order to appeal to a man. Proverbs 31:30 says it best, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” That is the true value of a woman, to fear the Lord! Besides, any man who you have to appeal to sexually before you can be sexual may not be the man for you. The holy women from the past found the secrets of showing true beauty, but it wasn’t in external things; it was in their gentle and quiet spirit that was precious in the sight of God (1Peter 3:3-6).Biblically speaking, sexual appeal should not be your or any other believers concern until marriage. Not while “dating”, “engaged,” or “booed-up.” If you’re not, married you’re still single. That’s the way it works in the world and in God’s eye. Side note: I know that common law marriage thing is getting out of hand, but that’s still not God’s standards, end side note.Think about this, if we’re looking forward to showing sexual appeal and that is not God’s standard for us, then how do we respond to Him? Do we submit to Him and deny ourselves or do we give in to our own desires?
Grace and peace, Sis.
WINSTON: Sister Tessie, Great question, and your premise of carrying yourself as a Christian woman is on point. First, as long as this remains a constant in your mind as well as your ways/actions, you have an empty canvas before you which could potentially become a masterpiece. Next, it must be established that there is no cookie-cutter answer, due to every man and situation being different, but there are some basics that can get you in position. Despite how it has been portrayed in many churches, romance is not only okay (see Song of Solomon), but it is even considered virtuous. The original Hebrew word for “virtuous” is “chayil” meaning ability, efficiency. Putting these two descriptive words together can provide some preliminary steps toward attracting the man for you. “Ability” denotes having/using skill, thereby it will take some thought and don’t leave out prayer. After all, as it states in 1 Corinthians 2:11 (NKJV) “For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God.” The rhetorical question at the beginning of this passage let’s you know, ‘GOD only knows’ a man’s heart and mind. Therefore, this is your not-so-secret weapon — the omniscient GOD. This is where efficiency comes in. You being in touch with your Abba Father should not be underestimated like many people tend to do. He will let you know just how to proceed because every man is different.