A universal fact of human nature is to want what we cannot have; that thing or person just out of our reach. Women are particularly vulnerable to this destructive practice. And, if we are not careful, we will invariably pursue, or settle for, a toxic relationship in the process.
Relationally, the “object” of our desire could be a spouse, family member, friend, or coworker. Our heart cries out for approval, affirmation, acceptance, and love. We find ourselves grasping at the slightest indication that this individual may actually reciprocate our feelings. We ask the same questions over and over.
What is wrong with me?
What can I do to make them love me?
Why do we sometimes fall victim to this perilous trap?
The answer is simple.
We are not “whole.”
We live in self-imposed bondage. We cannot make anyone love and accept us. We cannot make any person, even a family member, have a relationship with us. While we are busy bridge building, they may sit proudly on the other shore, content or determined, to remain distant. We may stir up quite a fuss, give and give, until we are physically and emotionally exhausted. But the end result will be disappointment, hurt, and feelings of inadequacy.
Why, then, are we seemingly willing to sacrifice our very well being for these unrequited relationships? Women were created to love and be loved. We are relational in every fiber of our being. Papa—my term of endearment for Father God, created us in His own image. Male and female, He created us.
He instilled in us a yearning for healthy, WHOLE relationships (Paraphrased from Genesis 1:27). These other relationships that we may have desired are, often, just “substitutes” for the real deal. Papa offers perfect love. It is unconditional and filled with grace, forgiveness, and mercy. He freely gives Himself as a loyal and trusted friend. As a “Daddy,” He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us. We are, indeed, the “apple of His eye.” I am His “princess.” You can be, too.
With this recognition, we can stop killing ourselves striving to be “good enough” to earn another’s approval. We can just be the person we were created to be. We are deeply loved and adored by our Heavenly Father, even if we do not have any sort of relationship with an earthly dad. If we have a broken relationship with a spouse, we can embrace our true selves basking in the loving arms of Papa.
No best friend? No problem. The One is waiting on us to look His way.
Freedom…such wonderful freedom. How comforting, knowing Him and knowing who we are in Him.
No longer do we need to chase relationships that ultimately leave us empty and wanting. We have HIM. He fills us with peace, love, patience, gentleness, and joy.
He is the “lover of my soul.”
He makes me whole.