From “Sold-Out”: Hey Guys, I have a concern, I’m a lady that’s grown up in the faith and committed to living for him 1000% however I realized as i grew up that I had to get rid of some things like certain music, t.v. shows, books, and places that aren’t godly and that I have to tune more into Christ. Yet, my concern is that now that I do not participate in certain things I’ll seem “too christian” to some men. God is like 75% of my subject matter and things like him, yet I guess I don’t want to be considered boring to other people especially the man God one day brings my way. So I think my question is what are some ways or things I can do (when starting a relationship with a guy) that would help make me more interesting or even things we can do maybe even on dates that could bring out the funner me rather than only christian me.
NEHEMIAH: Can I be real?! As a single Christian man I say make Jesus and the things of God 100% of the subject matter! I know you’re like “but Nehemiah wouldn’t that make me boring?”…Nope, not for a genuine man of God. I’m not telling you to speak in parables and drop scripture the whole time you are conversing with a guy (it’s not that deep), but I am saying be upfront with your relationship with God, set standards, and let your lifestyle speak for itself. You see Jesus should be “THE SUBJECT MATTER” in any relationship we form and if a guy is not interested in that, is he really interested in you?! Now this is not a hall pass for you to end every sentence with “Glory to God” smh and only go to Church for dates (where they do that at) but it means that Jesus needs to be at the center of the conversations and outings you have. Here’s the other side of that…I believe that a lot of individuals think that Christianity is boring because they see it as rules and regulations to abide by rather than relationship with Christ based on uncompromising decisions. Want to bring out the funner side?…understand that it’s ok to go to the movies, go rafting, do laser tag, or enjoy a game (hopefully you’re not in Charlotte, NC because our teams suck) but do it in a way that does not compromise your relationship with God. You see God is not some god of rules but a father who wants us to have an enjoyable life in Christ and therefore He gives us instructions so that we can experience it the way He intended us to. The word of God says in 1 Corinthians 10:23 that many things are permitted, but not all things are beneficial or constructive…then in verse 31 of the same chapter it says “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”. The first verse speaks on our free will as humans but then lets us know that everything we do isn’t beneficial to not only ourselves but those that are around us. The second verse lets us know in everything that we do we should be doing it for the glory of God. These two scriptures can help us in making decisions on what to and what not to partake in. Simply ask yourself if the movie you’re going to see is beneficial and bringing God glory or not and if it is not well you guys just have to see another movie. Is going to a candle lit dinner at 10 pm with someone of the opposite sex bringing glory to God or not?… and etc. (I think you get the point). You should even consider doing group activities so that you both are able to hold to your standards, enjoy friends, and have that extra accountability from others. Overall finding a balance in life and understanding that you “can” still have a good time as a believer without conforming to the world or neglecting your relationship with God, will help you in finding and exposing that fun side of you in any relationship. Lastly, don’t ever feel pressured into doing something just because you believe it would make you more interesting. Know that your desire to please God is a blessing and He will place someone in your life who has the same mindset. I pray this helps
~The Single Guy
SHELTON: HALLELUJAH! I love this question/comment. it brings joy to my heart every time I read it! Sis, I must say that it’s a beautiful thing to hear anyone wanting to serve the Lord wholeheartedly, so keep on doing just that! Don’t worry about being “too Christian”. That is the gift of God and His Holy Spirit being displayed in your life as the new creation you are (2Cor 5:17). As you continue to serve God, I do believe that when ,and if, He brings that guy to you, the issue of being considered boring won’t even be an issue. I say that because it’s God who is bring the man to you, not some so called relationship expert.Trust me, being true to the woman of God our Father has created you to be is perfectly fine. There is nothing about the Christian faith that says we’re not fun. Instead, now we can learn from the Holy Spirit how to truly have fun that is pleasing to God. For example: be open to do different things, be into what you’re doing, and be honest if you like it or not. Activities to do while courting may vary depending on your personalities, but here are some things I thought of: play board games or word games, go bowling, play mini golf, go skating, participate in different sports that the both of you can play or are willing to try, visit different attractions in your city, hang out with friends, and even reading together (not my favorite, but who knows). This list can go on and on, but you really have to create it yourself. Even doing things that you once did when younger can be fun, (it’s fun to let your inner kid run wild every now and then) so keep that in mind as well.It’s also very important that you do these things now with your friends to help you figure out what you like to do. Whoever you meet will already have some fun ideas of his own, so be sure to keep an open mind.I hope this help, Sis.
Grace and peace.
WINSTON: Dear Sister, first dealing with the moniker, you have to be careful not to let the script be flipped where “Sold- Out” becomes “Sell-Out”. The key is first clinging to your first Love, you know the one who first loved you? 1 John 4:19(NIV), “We love because he first loved us. Also, Psalms 37:4 (NIV) “Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This word of GOD comes with a promise (whenever you see “will” in the Bible, that’s a promise).This bond is your strength. You probably didn’t mean to sound as if you want to put it on the back burner, but we can’t make any indication to the World, The Devil or the Flesh that we want to put GOD second at any point and time or else if we’re not careful, He will be, and I’m sure that’s not what you want [wink and nod inserted here].
However, you are on the right track by making the necessary adjustments in your life by putting GOD first and eliminating distractions of carnal and wordly things. Matthew 6:33 says (NIV), “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” This is Jesus, the ultimate bridegroom, speaking. Winston says from his experience, having found his soul-mate (see Sondra Lewis), start with “Phileo” love (friendship-level love vs. Agape love, the GOD-kind of love which is unconditional)when seeking that man of your desires; look for someone who’s a friend first. This is a love that you have with someone due to common interests. One man’s boredom is another man’s bouquet. My wife and I have tons of fun (as we have since we met). There’ the rub. Be about doing things that are fun to you where Christian men “just happen” to be and keep your eyes open for that man who’s single and having just as much fun as you doing that thing. This could be a sign of not only a good friendship, but, who knows, a great relationship. I’ll tell you who knows — YOUR FIRST LOVE! GOD knows and cares, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.