Let’s be honest, for us as women, as nurturers, it can be easy to forget ourselves and never take the time to invest in ourselves or just love on ourselves. Between maybe school, kids, work, wife duties, keeping the house straight, etc., we can soon begin to forget that we are a person. This can drive many moms to depression and hopelessness or simply feeling they’re at a dead end and the flames of life that once drove you passionately are beginning to fade. And yet how can we deeply and wholly love others if we barely love ourselves. We project to others what’s inside of us. When you’re in a good place with God and take pride in who He’s created you to be, you can step out into the world in confidence. I write this not only coming from a personal place, but from one sister to another with the desire for you to live a whole, effective and purpose driven life no matter where you are in life.
10 things need to start doing for yourself again:
1. Invest in one of your God given skills. Before the family, before you got married, before school life tied you down, what hobbies did you enjoy? It may have been dancing, writing, singing, playing an instrument, etc., and it gave you life because you were fulfilling and operating in the gifts God gave you. I encourage you to start up something you enjoy again and rekindle those flames.
2. Take a moment of sanity. That’s right crazy lady. I’m gonna need you to set aside time daily where no demands are being made of you. Your mind is at peace and you’re not racing the millions of urgencies for tomorrow through your head. Take long baths. Don’t wait until you burn out and break down to take a break. Invest in daily times of solitude.
3. Get an appropriate amount of sleep. I know you think you can sleep 5 hours in and save the world off a double espresso, but it’s just not healthy for your mind or body. Make it a point to get 8 hours of sleep, because all excellence comes from a place of rest. Maybe instead of just setting an alarm to wake up, set an alarm to go to sleep.
4. Develop a habit a healthy self-talk. The beautiful thing about human beings is that we have self-awareness. It’s something no other species has. It is literally the ability to think about the way you’re thinking. And the fact that you can separate yourself from your thoughts and review them proves that you are not your thoughts, although they affect you greatly. Shut up the lies in your head you keep believing about yourself— telling yourself that you’re ugly, too fat, too skinny, too dark, too light, not enough. You become what you choose to believe about yourself. You embody your thoughts. So be self aware of your self-talk. And be nice. Love you the way Christ loves you.
5. Know how to say “no.” You were not created, nor intended to be God. So stop trying to be everything to everyone. Know your limits. Prioritize. Know the difference between what’s urgent and what’s important. Some things that abruptly grab your attention compel you to move but really think about it. Can it wait? Is anyone dying? Use discernment on that.
6. Know when to break off from toxic relationships. As a Christian woman this can get pretty borderline, especially if you’re like me and never want to turn anyone away; always want to be embracing, show grace and give a person a million chances. Sometimes we take on the “Savior Syndrome,” “But Brittney, I can help change them!” But the truth is that what you allow will continue. If you’re close to someone who’s always bringing everything down, starting drama, consistently negative and you’ve talked to them about it, but they never see themselves or show any signs of changing, it’s okay to separate yourself and love from a distance. I’m very serious about setting standards about who I let into my inmost circle because they will inevitably have the most effect on me whether I realize it or not. “Don’t be fooled, bad character corrupts good company.”
7. Exercise. Now I’m preaching to myself on this one because physically straining my body is just not one of my favorite things to do. But not too long ago I began running again for at least 30 mins every morning and it hurt so good. What do I mean by that? Firstly, it builds mental endurance when you want to give up but keep going anyway; you get stronger mentally. It gives you energy and gets your mind and body moving. It helps you sleep at night, so my doctor says. And your body is a temple so it’s our job to play some role in taking care of that.
8. Dress up! Now this is coming from the girl in sweats and a ponytail at least half of the week. But honestly, we are daughters of the king. We ought to make ourselves presentable. Don’t look nice for that man, those girls, or that group of people, but for you. Back in the day when we dressed up for the club, girl, we felt good cause we looked hot! Of course the goal isn’t to look hot so don’t twist my words.What I’m saying is that there’s no reason to stop investing in yourself, and looks will never be everything. But take care of your hair, your nails, do something nice for yourself; you are a person too.
9. Spend time with friends. We were created to fellowship and to love not to isolate. Take some time to laugh, cry, serve and explore with friends. When we operate in the flow of love through genuine relationship with others our world gets a little bit bigger. Be discerning of your circle of influence. You want to spend time with like minded ladies who are headed in the same direction. Friends who love on you, hold you accountable and challenge you to grow.
10. Stop comparing your life. Majority of the reason most people are unhappy today, is not because they don’t have everything they want or need, but because they’re too busy comparing their backstage to someone else’s front stage. Facebook and Instagram doesn’t help much either. We see the highlight reel of the best moments of our friend’s and associate’s lives daily and begin comparing it to our negatives. Their love life looks perfect. They’re a perfect mother, and they always dress nice. Its just not realistic. You never know what really goes on in a person’s life. They’re probably doing the same thing to you. The only person we should be comparing ourselves to is the old us and the growth we’re making. Do yourself the biggest favor and decide to never compare your life to another woman again. Everyone’s fighting some sort of battle.
From sister to sister, you are all God says you are. Beautiful, fearless, courageous, chosen, lovable, worth dying for. Decide to live a life of purpose because you have something incredible to offer this world and every person you come in contact with. Effect the world courageously don’t let it affect you. Be who God called and designed you to be not what everyone wants to see. While we believe in God, I think we should also reflect on the amazing fact that He also believes in you.